The Gospel According to Me

A collection of wisdom based on my unassailably correct opinions.

  • Want to see if you make a difference in the world? Have a fenderbender on an urban interstate highway during evening rush hour.
  • Sometimes defensiveness is an appropriate response.
  • Never change an answer on a test.
  • If criminals were really smart, they'd be doing something else for a living.
  • If you let a telephone ring long enough, eventually it stops ringing and you don't have to answer it.
  • Blessed are the collectors of data and the keepers of records, for they shall have the goods on everybody else.
  • Fingernails are the first casualty of any worthy endeavor.
  • I'm not stubborn. Wait. Yes I am. Except that a truly stubborn person wouldn't admit it.
  • There's lots of ways to be.
  • Father forgive me, for I have a personality.
  • If your employers wanted you to be productive, they'd make it easy for you to be productive.
  • There is no mood so blue, no perspective so irritable, no embarrassment so great that cannot be alleviated by two laps on a bicycle around Haines Point.
  • Just because it's anecdotal doesn't mean it's not true.
  • Cars are the root of all evil.
  • Stereotypes exist for a reason.
  • If you think abortion is murder, then don't have one.
  • Motto of the Republican Party: "Me first."
  • If you dig a hole in Virginia, it'll fill up with water.
  • Pedal faster, not harder.
  • Just because I don't go to church doesn't mean I'm not spiritual.
  • You can talk on your cell phone when you drive if you want to, but stay out of the fast lane.
  • People who can't control their own lives like to control everybody else's.
  • Waterfront living is not all it's cracked up to be.
  • Trees are over-rated.