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The Gospel According to Me
A collection of wisdom based on my unassailably correct opinions.
- Want to see if you make a difference in the world? Have a fenderbender on an urban interstate highway during evening rush hour.
- Sometimes defensiveness is an appropriate response.
- Never change an answer on a test.
- If criminals were really smart, they'd be doing something else for a living.
- If you let a telephone ring long enough, eventually it stops ringing and you don't have to answer it.
- Blessed are the collectors of data and the keepers of records, for they shall have the goods on everybody else.
- Fingernails are the first casualty of any worthy endeavor.
- I'm not stubborn. Wait. Yes I am. Except that a truly stubborn person wouldn't admit it.
- There's lots of ways to be.
- Father forgive me, for I have a personality.
- If your employers wanted you to be productive, they'd make it easy for you to be productive.
- There is no mood so blue, no perspective so irritable, no embarrassment so great that cannot be alleviated by two laps on a bicycle around Haines Point.
- Just because it's anecdotal doesn't mean it's not true.
- Cars are the root of all evil.
- Stereotypes exist for a reason.
- If you think abortion is murder, then don't have one.
- Motto of the Republican Party: "Me first."
- If you dig a hole in Virginia, it'll fill up with water.
- Pedal faster, not harder.
- Just because I don't go to church doesn't mean I'm not spiritual.
- You can talk on your cell phone when you drive if you want to, but stay out of the fast lane.
- People who can't control their own lives like to control everybody else's.
- Waterfront living is not all it's cracked up to be.
- Trees are over-rated.